luca is one

Our baby turned one today. It literally seems like we are still reeling in that new baby-overjoyed-swooning stage one year later!

I think it has everything to do with three older siblings who haven't stopped doting on him since last May when he became 'one of them'. They adore him, protect him, feed him, carry him, wrestle with him, tickle him and scold him when he interferes with their play! True love indeed.


I have no original words to share tonight. No life lessons on infancy. Nor will I share Luca's birth story like I had thought about. Instead I will simply sit here tonight humbled and revel in the miracle of human life, growth, change, love.

We love you Luca. You are a constant 'light' in our home each and every day!

march

"It was one of those March days when the sun shines hot and the wind blows cold: when it is summer in the light, and winter in the shade." -Charles Dickens




The first of March. A welcome day in our home. So much anticipation turning that calendar page and bidding February adieu! February could be called the overwhelming month (playing off of this blog post from the Parenting Passageway) for me. It was filled with bitter cold days, a serious lack of outdoor time, illness, a lack of time spent with friends and family in an effort to contain our illnesses, loss of valuable school time, sleepless nights, feeling overwhelmed and rundown and ended again more illness. I am so ready to move on.

It was also the month that our baby starting needing to be held nearly all day and night. Between teething, illness and new developmental stages, our little one just needed the extra comfort of nursing and a parent's arms in order to go to and stay asleep. I have to acknowledge how difficult this has been for me. It's been really difficult.

Caring for sick little ones is never easy. It requires loads of physical, emotional and mental strength. To keep the joy alive in one's home during a time of illness is no easy feat. Many days and nights were filled with fear simply not knowing what the next hour or day would hold. I found myself asking 'Who next?', 'What next?' and 'How will I?'.

And here we are at the start of March, healthy again, but such a feeling of loss for me. Looking back I know that in the midst of caring for and nursing my family back to health I neglected my own health and managed to ignore stoking my own inner flame. It showed up in many subtle ways. And then there were the times when it made an awful big appearance.

Just feeling the sun, watching the melt, seeing one of my children manage to scrap up the year's first mud pie oh-so proudly and seeing that new page on my calendar has given me the first of many bursts of hope and inspiration that I so desperately need to get myself where I need to be.

Blessed March!

preparation

It's been so long since I've visited this space... my little blog!

It seems that every spare moment is being used these days and there is hardly any time for reflection, creating, writing, baking, cleaning, visiting, reading, knitting or other worthwhile ambitions of mine.

Our baby has been sick with his third cold. He also had a night of bad croup this week. I am running on very little sleep and have been really working hard to stay the course with the essentials- feeding my family, keeping up with laundry and homeschooling.

Yet amidst all of this 'being needed' and having little to no time for myself, I am feeling peaceful and content during this Advent Season as we draw closer to Christmas.

I have been blessed with some really encouraging people in my life and a husband whose heart is first and foremost turned toward our home despite his new beginning outside of our home. It is my saving grace on the days when I can hardly think straight.

Tomorrow we finish up our homeschooling and begin our Christmas break. It is much-anticipated and needed by both the children and myself. In the past I have taken the entire month of December off from formal schooling and am really seeing now the worth in that decision.

Next week we are looking forward to a small Christmas party for the children, the baking and making of our yearly gingerbread cookies (and mobiles) and our first time with peppermint bark, visiting with friends, lounging in our pajamas until our hearts are content, day-long serenading by Christmas music and of course, Christmas itself.

It feels really simple this year... Christmas that is. I haven't had any time to fret over the details and am just thankful for the holiday itself.

I hope to be back here soon with some bits and pieces about our first week of vacation, our current winter book list and a few photos as well.

Christmas blessings to all of my friends and readers!

six months

Luca is six months old now. So much has changed over the last few months. Our baby is thriving to say the least. I am enjoying each and every day because I finally have the proper perspective on infancy and know that these days go by so very fast.


Luca is crawling. He is sitting. He has two teeth and is currently working on a few more. Our baby loves to keep up with his older siblings during the day and stay close by his mama at night tucked safely under her 'wing'. He naps well during the day yet despises his crib at night. He endured his first cut tonight after toppling over into the corner wall in our kitchen.

He is eating a bit of food. So far he has enjoyed bananas, raspberries, apples, pears and oranges. Also eggs, avacado with olive oil and sea salt and a bit of mashed bean. Then there was the dot of sauteed spinach and onion, the pleasure of sucking on a cucumber with sea salt, the gobs of baked sweet potato with pastured butter and the bits of sharp cheddar cheese tonight while we all ate our black bean and chicken chili.

Oh, and he sips water very successfully from a small glass after his 'meals'.

As you can see I am not following a typical 'intro to solids' diet with our baby that starts with rice cereal and then leads into fruits, vegetables and eventually proteins. I am feeling really confident that as long as he is eating whole foods that he will continue to thrive.

I have been careful to follow his lead and to feed more when he 'asks' and to stop when he turns his head or keeps his mouth closed. None of this 'just one more bite' stuff. My goal is not to fill his belly so that he will sleep longer at night. Nor is it to make the steady climb to the eventual eats-more-food-than-he-nurses stage so that I will have a bit more freedom during this stage. My purpose is to continue nourishing him as his needs change and grow so that he can become all that he needs to be.

This week I plan on starting him on cod liver oil and really focusing on some good proteins like egg yolk, some (really local) venison and his first taste of turkey this Thursday.

With that said, I think that this will make an excellent Christmas gift for our baby!

our baby in a nutshell

I don't know how this all happen, but our baby got his first tooth on Thursday and has started scooting around the house. I blinked and Luca is nearly half-way through his infancy. Bittersweet for sure.



Since he is nearly six months old, I have started thinking seriously about introducing solids. I think he is ready for something in addition to breastmilk and has started 'asking' for our food while we are sharing family meals, grabbing at my hand to try and get a taste of what I'm eating and got frantic the other day after I gave in and let him suck a bit on my apple core. All signs of readiness indeed.

So I've started re-reading Real Food for Mother and Baby in an effort to give myself a refresher on what to offer for some first foods (sadly after feeding three other infants and having a degree in nutrition, I still feel I need the guidance of a real authority on feeding my children) when we start solids in a few weeks.

I simply love this book and it's take on nutrition, myths about an infant's needs for pureed-only foods and- my favorite- a story about a group of babies who were given free reign to choose what type and the amount of food they wished to eat at every meal. It is a study not to be missed and has confirmed my belief about the body 'asking' for the foods and nutrients that one is deficient in.

And since he is growing so very fast, he has gone through nearly all of the clothing I assumed he would be in for a year, including all of his wool diaper covers that we purchased before he was born. I didn't expect or plan to make three purchases of diaper covers but that's just what we've done over the last six months (ouch, my wallet felt that one). Although I had a few ideas about making my own diaper covers in the end I just had to bite the bullet and purchase them rather than make them (although today he is wrapped in an old wool sweater with his legs through the arms and the rest of it 'tied' around his waist- seen in below photos).

So here is to our little Luca who is still melting hearts around here and moving quickly through his first year of babyhood.

sick

Last week threw me for a loop. What started out at as a stuffy nose two Friday mornings ago turned out to be an awfully first-time infected ear for our little Luca.

Needless to say, after five out of six sleepless nights, carefully timed doses of pain medication, everything from garlic, olive oil, onion juice and breastmilk in his ear and finally, the dreaded pink stuff, our little babe is back to his normal state of health.

Losing sleep is one of my top fears. It tops my list right up there with the family-wide stomach bugs and a disasterously messy house. I went from a state of tired, to exhausted to walking-zombie pretty fast and spent more time pacing the floors of my bedroom than I have in the five years we have lived in this house.

Most of the time spent rocking our sick baby was spent dozing off and dreaming of a full recovery for Luca and sleep for me. In between however there were amazing moments of stillness and prayer in which I was able to commune with my God more deeply than I have in a long time.

It was amazing to have my heart and mind opened to all that He had been trying to show me for a long, long time. It was humbling, overwhelming and freeing all at once.

I spent last week parenting supernaturally because it was certainly not by my own might that I not only endured the day but actually celebrated it. My children did not miss a meal and even continued with their schooling during that time. It was a miracle.

It was not without the prayers and practical help of some dear friends who came to my aid and helped with my children, loaned me medical equipment and sent loads of encouragement my way.

Why is it that we often grow the most during the challenging times?

How is it that something so trying and tiring can encourage us to dig deep and ask the tough questions in life that require that very energy that we are trying so desperately to regain and reserve?

Can we really stay loyal to the lessons once the tough times pass?

eleven weeks

Our baby is 11 weeks old today. Although he is still technically a newborn, I often feel when that when I am looking into his eyes he is a very old soul. He has the same look that his sister used to give when she was just an infant herself. It was always as if she knew something about you that you didn't know yourself.


Besides that he is turning into a terribly handsome little boy and although he is quite the armful I don't mind carrying him around in the least. In just a few short months he will be wriggling and twisting out of my arms and making his first few attempts at creeping and crawling about our home. These days are so fleeting... you know?

Needless to say he is seriously melting hearts around here.

digging deep

My absence from this little space of mine has not been due to anything disastrous, terrible or stressful. In fact, life has been fabulously full and abundant with joy, growth and lots of life lessons.

I have been super focused lately on what it takes to make our days smooth, enjoyable and peaceful. It seems a full-time job simply to create and maintain the flow of our days- rising and waking, meal planning and preparation, tending to errands and activities and keeping connected with my husband and children. At the end of the day there is little else to do but sit back and enjoy the fruits of my labor.

Luca is now 10 weeks old and his smiles aren't the only sign that he has begun interacting with the outside world. He has discovered his hands and there are moments when I just watch him studying them as they move from side to side. Simply precious to watch. I'm feeling so connected to him and have been able to keep fatigue at bay. He is just now letting me put him down for a spell on a blanket or in a little seat. He has been in-arms morning, noon and night for the last 10 weeks and my little baby is now weighing over 16 pounds so there has been some really achy, sore and tender muscles in this body of mine.

The main focus of my nights has been planning our upcoming school year. We are entering our fifth year of homeschooling with a nine year old, seven year old and four year old and I feel so good that I have been able to set aside time each day planning for our days in the upcoming school year.

In addition to planning lessons, ordering books and thinking about our daily routine, I have also been digging deep and asking myself some really tough questions like what is the purpose of education, what sort of home environment have I created for my children, who do I want my children to become, am I focusing on the mind, body and spirit of these little human beings that I have been entrusted with, am I myself choosing to model the behaviors and ideals that I am attempting to instill within my children, how will their lives be enhanced and changed by having had their mother be a mother-teacher?

I have decided that in the end the most important aspect of the homeschooling lifestyle is family life and the ability to educate the whole being. It is not simply about academics, training the mind or working steadily through planned lessons. It is about the journey we are taking as well and about growing as individuals.

I will be updating my blog with some more homeschooling details in the days and weeks to follow. There is so much to share and it feels wonderful to have this space to share it in!

six weeks and thoughts on toys and playthings

Luca is now six weeks old. He is just as sweet as the day I first met him and continues to bring joy to all of us each day. He is so good at nursing now and my milk supply is well-established. He is still being smothered with kisses and at times even licked still. Each child takes turns daily declaring how much Luca looks just like them. The verdict is still out on exactly who he looks like. I honestly see a bit of each child in his little face and being. Their is such a familiar feel to Luca that it seems he has been part of our family all along. It's so amazing how a new baby can bring so much more love to the entire family and home.




Today was quite productive and it felt wonderful to be working at keeping up with my house again. I spent the morning sorting through toys and conducted- what we call in our home- the toy audit with a willing and cheerful spirit!

The rule of thumb is that if they haven't played with the toy, game, puzzle or item in the past few months then I donate it. I also regularly donate toys that have lost their open-ended-ness and are simply being stepped over or abused. I also throw out any toys that are broken and cannot be repaired. This helps to keep toys to a minimum and leaves room for imaginative play and calls on the children to care for their toys and playthings because the quantity of manageable and not overwhelming. Toys can lose their magic when they are sitting in mountain-sized piles on the floor!

We also made our weekly trip to the library and local bread store. I have made it our weekly routine to visit the bread store right after our library trip on Tuesdays to serve as our lunch for the day. The children love trying to bread each week and I know that I have one meal to look forward to being taken care of- albeit carbohydrate rich and protein-poor! We also have a delicious loaf to enjoy for the following morning's breakfast. This week it's blueberry streusel... gosh I can hardly wait until morning!

four weeks

Luca turned four weeks old yesterday. He has already outgrown so many tiny little bits of clothing and this in turn has brought me to moments of panic over the reality that this little baby- along with his big sister and brothers- will never be as little as he is this very moment!

Time is passing so very quickly and it seems with each day comes new joys, challenges and lessons in patience and parenting for me.



Yesterday was my birthday. I'd love to say that I woke up feeling peaceful and full of joy but instead I woke up frantic and burdened over the responsibility of caring for four children. It is often toughest first thing in the morning you know? And it can be so very difficult to find the energy to greet the day with confidence and a can-do attitude when all that seems to be staring back at me are needs- mine and theirs. These needs are both urgent and important and I often fret over which one to meet first?

It can be terribly overwhelming looking at the entire day in once piece. So it helps to break it up into little bits and to take hour by hour, moment by moment. There is always a turning point, a place during the day when I think I can do this! This point usually comes after a hot shower, a bit of tidying up and four little bellies are filled. And by that time my confidence is back and that old feeling of being carefree (yes, I still often have moments of feeling carefree even while caring for four young ones) comes back to visit my heart, mind and soul!

Some highlights of the past few days ::

• my birthday dinner celebration out at a restaurant with all six of us! There were lots of spilled drinks, dropped burp cloths and many nursing sessions, but in the end, a wonderful dinner was enjoyed by all after a day of thunderstorms and near-stir craziness.
• Luca weighed in at over TWELVE pounds yesterday at just four weeks old! I am convinced that I am producing heavy cream over here...
• many phone calls, letters and cards from friends and family throughout the day yesterday wishing me lots of love on my thirty-third birthday
• a splendid talent show put on by the children of our homeschool co-op lastnight! It was such a treat to see the children showcase their talents and gain confidence up on that modest little stage and I especially enjoyed watching Nicolas and his two friends sing their little hearts out.
  
• a chance to spend the morning outdoors today and make a good attempt at yard work for the first time since Luca's birth. It felt so, so good to work, move my body and be able to lift, bend, weed and work with all my might again!
  

first bath

Luca had his first bath tonight. It was a family affair. The water temperature was tested by numerous fingertips and elbows. The wash, cloth and towel were set just so as to be ready for use when needed. The dry clothes were laid out. And the camera was ready for a few shots.

Not unlike his brothers and sister, Luca really disliked his first out-of-womb immersion in a warm water bath. It was a sad sight to be sure. We hurried it along as quickly as possible trying hard not to allow the torture to drag on. This poor little creature looked so helpless.

The best part was rescuing him from the water and wrapping him tightly in his warm towel. His big brother Nicolas knew just what he needed to calm down... a little finger to suck on.

Here was his experience in a few snapshots.

perfection

Luca's first week at home has come and gone. I have to say, it has been a dream.

I keep finding myself hesitant to say how wonderfully it is going, bringing home a fourth child and all, and feel that everyone around me is thinking just wait. Just wait for the gas to start, the sleepy baby perking up and getting fussy, the sleepless nights to come. Just wait.

I guess that is the only negative thinking that is going on around here lately. I don't want to appear naive or overly positive and then have things deteriorate quickly leaving me sorely disappointed and pitied by friends and family.

But I am going against my prideful feelings and shouting to the world... things are just perfect!

We had a chance to resume some normal activities over the weekend and found ourselves (mother and nursling that is) at a baseball game, church and a ballet rehearsal. I am taking it slow and easy but also feeling that tug to be present for my other children as well.

It was a wonderful weekend full of firsts and exciting events... photos for the ballet that Sophia will dance in next weekend as a pixie, the game ball for Nicolas on Sunday and Elias chose to lose his training wheels and is zooming full-speed ahead on two wheels. So much pride as a mother.


We also had a chance to introduce Luca to our amazing homeschool community during our Share Day with our homeschool co-op on Monday. The children shared what they had learned and practiced for all season- a chorus performance, some Keva building and an Artist Trading
Cards display and swap.


Not everyday is so full. I need to now more than ever remember my vision of being at home more than I am out of the home especially during these early days of bringing home a new baby. Today I have cozied in, donned my wool socks and layers of soft stretchy clothing, enjoyed a super chocolaty brownie brought by a friend and am secretly feeling thankful for the chilly, wet day that is keeping us indoors.

day five

Luca is five days old. And already, so much is changing around here.

• Today is the first day I am feeling a bit clear-headed and mentally present. I blame the first few foggy days on the oxytocin rush that I was experiencing from breastfeeding and milk production. I have been getting excellent amounts of rest but feeling extremely doped out and mellow. My milk came in withing the first 24 hours after he was born and he was ready and waiting for all of that nourishment indeed. Maybe things are starting to regulate a bit.
  

• Luca has already regained the weight he lost in the first few days... and then some. He didn't need the first two weeks to get back to his birth weight!

• No more umbilical cord. Nope. He lost it today while all three children were holding him in my bed. They called out to tell me and I hardly believed them. It seems so early!

• Luca's cheeks are already filling out. Now they are rosy and plump!

• Thinking back to the birth just five short days ago and really starting to revisit the experience both mentally and emotionally. It was phenomenal. Starting to think about writing the birth story and where to begin with it... days, hours or minutes before the actual birth?

a new life

Our new baby was born in the wee hours of the morning yesterday. We are home now and just reeling from the excitement of welcoming this new life. Here are a few photos from our first few hours together. More photos and some birth stories to come soon... I have to get back to swooning over this baby and enjoying the sheer giddiness of becoming a mother of four!

Luca Daniel Houle
May 10, 2010
7 pounds 13 ounces, 22 inches long