fighting nature

Today marks my fifth full day on bed rest. My midwife told me that if I start to feel tortured then I'm doing it right.

If that's the case, then I've perfected the act of bed rest, torturous feelings and all.

So you may wonder what I'm doing with all of the newly founded downtime?

What I essentially doing is fighting nature. I have been having strong nesting instincts for nearly a week now and it feels nearly torturous to try and take it easy while my insides are screaming go scrub something!

There has been a bit of washing and tidying and some light scrubbing. I will not lie. But there has been lots of virtual nesting as well. I have been been adding to my current nest to make room for a new baby while simultaneously maintaining the nest that I am already responsible for. I have to say that I am thankful for the internet and for this laptop for that matter.

In addition to browsing many beautiful things on the web, I've also purchases a few. I had started to lose count and then today realized that I will be receiving five packages at the start of this week... and that's not counting this amazing book that just got delivered last Wednesday.

The urge to sew has suddenly struck hard and so I have become a bit covetous of some of the amazing projects that are out there just waiting to be mail ordered and sewn.

Here are some of the books and patterns that I have been drooling over of late and some images to go along with them.


And although it feels oh-so right to start sewing up a batch of dresses made of French color cloth for mama and girls I know that it would be cheating.

So I must resist the urge to begin any major sewing projects and sit still and wait patiently for my next big project to begin... birth.

38 weeks

So this is me at 38 weeks- taken this afternoon. We are feeling the need to take more photos these days. We know that pretty soon there will not be a largely rounded silhouette busting forth to capture.

We welcomed the children back into the fold this afternoon. I missed them terribly after three days away and their little faces- missing tooth smiles, dimples, sun-kissed cheeks- looked as if they had changed in just the short time they were gone.

Needless to say, the stillness and quiet has left the house, but has been replaced with that ever-familiar energy, bustle and joy that these children bring to our family. I can literally feel the house shaking as I sit and write.

Today was also one of the first hot days after some really mild weather. I was tempted to get outdoors and sit in the sun while the kids ran through the sprinkler, but after about five minutes out on the steps I felt terribly overheated and icky.

After copious amounts of seltzer water and a request to please turn on the air conditioner on I felt amazing again.

I am struggling with finding the balance between finding rest and relaxation and an sinking into an utter state of laziness and feeling terribly lethargic and weak from too much resting.

After all, my mind and body need to be ready for labor and I want to keep up my strength and spirits. I feel so healthy and energetic, yet I have been given the prescription of a sick person. It's a real mind game and I've yet to figure out exactly where I need to be in all of this.

It is amazing to awake each day and wonder if today is the day- the day that our baby will be born. This is such a time of sweet anticipation. It is like no other time in life.

I am savoring each moment, each hour, each day and just know that he will come when he is ready.

bump in the road

So there has been a bump in the road on this pregnancy journey and it has hit so, so close to the arrival of this baby that I think I will be just fine.

I have officially put on bed rest by my midwife. No cooking, no cleaning, no chasing after children, running errands, yard work and the like. This pretty much means that my entire life has come to a standstill.

I got the news on Tuesday morning and was a bit surprised by the severity of it all but am really trying to keep a good perspective and have realized that two weeks is nothing in the grand scheme of things to lay low with the promise of a healthy, beautiful baby at the end of it all.

We have been blessed with a very supportive family both near and far who have already stepped in and provided meals, help around the house and with the children.

My mother in law drove down from New Hampshire today to pick up all three children and take them back home for three days. It was difficult to give up the control of mothering and looking out for my little ones, but I know it is what I need to be able to rest right now.

The house is so very quiet and still and everything that is set down in it's place has actually remained there. It is mind boggling.

The thing that has struck me the most is how myself, and I'm sure many of us, place so much of our worth and identity in how much we can produce and accomplish during the day. I myself thrive on productivity and can count a good day by how many checks I have put on my mental to-do list.

This is such a harmful mindset to take because in situations like the one I find myself in, when one is not producing a darn thing, it is easy to feel like a failure and an inadequate human being.

I have spent a good bit of time in prayer and in talking about this with my amazing husband and it seems that this burden has been lifted and I am feeling quite content and at peace with simply doing what my body needs right now- rest, rest and more rest.

I cannot begin to tell you how relaxed I feel and how the racing thoughts that, just days ago, were propelling me through my days have slowed down to a pace that have lent themselves to an opportunity to really experience them. It feels good to have a quiet mind and relaxed body, especially at 38 weeks pregnant.

I was hesitant to put all of this out there but knew that I could not stay in hiding for long. I sort of feel like a failure for not having the ability to maintain the status quo of my lifestyle up until the very moment that my body starts to begin the birth process. I just thought I would be able to keep on keeping on and that I would slow down only once the baby came.

So instead of feeling shameful, disappointed and down-trodden by my new pace of life I will try to focus on the tiny lessons that have already learned- lessons about letting go of control and blocking out the deafening shouts of our culture telling me to keep busy and just keep pushing through it all.

I hope that I can share a bit in this space over the next few days and weeks about my experience until one day when I am no longer writing about bed rest, pregnancy and slowing down and instead am posting photos and stories of my birth and our new baby!

nine months

Me. At nine months pregnant. Feeling fine. The view of my feet has long since disappeared. Enjoying the rolling, flipping and turning babe inside of me for these last few weeks. Looking forward to the birth with optimism and positive thoughts. And enjoying these last few weeks of life as we know it before our world changes, once again.

real food

As a lifelong learner and seeker of the best ideas and principles of nutrition, parenting, nurturing and family life, I feel that I have found one of those nuggets of gold in the realm of health, feeding babies and children and pregnancy as of late.

Mike and I found Underground Wellness last year and have spent many a night listening to the interviews on this program after hours (meaning, after the children are asleep). We don't have television service and just love a form of media that actually enhances your life rather than robs you of precious time and creativity!

This week featured Nina Planck, author of Real Food and Real Food for Mother and Baby. The interview was amazingly informative, to the point and really brought the truth to light about what we are to feed ourselves as we are preparing to conceive a child, while we are pregnant and what to feed mother and baby after the birth and during breastfeeding.

Nina pretty much follows the principles and findings of Weston Price. If you are at all familiar with this amazing man than you know that his advice is pretty much contrary to what you are going to hear from your OB or mainstream dietetics.

The interview touches on...

• good nutrition during the three trimesters

• exposes the myth of eating low-fat and vegetarian/vegan lifestyles
  

• stresses the importance of high-quality proteins and fats (especially during pregnancy and more specifically during the third trimester)

• encourages traditional foods, especially fish and butter

• avoiding soy

• how to manage swelling during pregnancy (eat enough protein!)

• and keeping your baby close during the first few months to meet the needs of cluster feedings and establish breastfeeding

Her website also offers handouts on Eating for Two and Baby's First Foods.

It was inspiring to hear this advice to give me that little extra nudge to eat right and care for myself during the third trimester. The end is in sight and I want to do what I can to build this baby to his full potential!

Some daily habits that I have already established during my pregnancy include...

• taking a high quality fish oil supplement daily
• using pastured butter, coconut oil and organic extra virgin olive oil as my fats
• taking a prenatal vitamin derived from whole foods (not synthetic)
• drinking only water and seltzer as beverages (no juice or soda) and some teas and (yes, I'm back to enjoying that morning cup) coffee
  
• avoiding all artificial sweeteners (like the plague!)
• continuing with avoidance of corn syrup, food dyes and MSG
• aiming for 75-100 grams of protein daily
• avoiding refined sugar and grains (to the best of my ability)
• listening to my body's cues about sleep (this may include naps or early bedtimes)

Enjoy the resource! I have posted it on my sidebar for your viewing and listening pleasure!

** I have been getting questions on which prenatal vitamin I take. It is the Raw Prenatal made by Garden of Life.

all things baby

My mind has been turning to all-things-baby these days. There are 12 weeks left until the actual due date and although this is just an estimate, I have decided that I want to do as much planning in advance to make this transition to four children as smooth as possible.

• Could I just take everything that this Danish wool site has to offer including these, this and trying to decide when to place my order for several of these in several sizes?
• Wanting to carve out a weekend to make a few of these to keep our baby's head warm.
• This article has given me a lot to think about when considering how to dress our baby.
• Can I just buy this in bulk since every member of our family already uses it daily?
• Making arrangements with two very nurturing women who have helped us in the past and plan to in May as well.

in the mail

It seems that nearly every time I look up it's Friday afternoon. This has happened four times already since Christmas ended and here I am in February with January already behind me.

It's not that busyness has gotten the better of me. It's just that I'm in the midst of a time of deep concentration and focus- to stay committed to schooling, to taking care of myself, my home and my family- that each day seems to go quicker than the next.

This week marks the beginning of the third trimester for this pregnancy. And with my arms spread open wide, I generously embrace the next three months ahead of me with one arm while preparing, nesting and planning furiously with the other arm.

I know that three months is not long. I know that there is much to do, to decide upon, to create, to plan, to wash, to organize and to enjoy.

Tonight I am thinking about sewing and spring.

I am thinking ahead to the items I'd like to make either before or after this little babe arrives. And although there are dozens of ideas and projects tumbling through my mind, I have chosen to focus on one theme- Sophia's Spring wardrobe.

And so I am happy that I have this on order to make something like this.
And this coming in the mail soon to add as an embellishment to these- like I made last Spring.

Little by little. Stitch by stitch I will make something for this child to wear during the warm and breezy months ahead of us (I know they are there just waiting... I just can't feel them yet!).

thinking about

In my heart of hearts I truly wish that I had the opportunity to write in this space daily. But instead I write when I can. When I have a quiet moment. When children are playing in the other room or finishing their breakfast. At times after they have gone to sleep and other times before they are awake for the day.

But I'll take what I can get.

And today all I can manage is a little update and some quiet thoughts.

• week 24 of my pregnancy has begun. It feels good to be starting my sixth month and to feel this baby's movements getting stronger each week.
• made the switch to tea. My morning, afternoon and evening cup of tea are treasured moments that symbolize an opportunity to slow down and warm up.
• my new love grows. A dear friend taught me how to purl on Monday afternoon. I have a baby hat in mind and cannot wait to cast on at the next spare moment of down-time. And now a member of this community.
  
• gearing up for the winter session of our homeschool co-op. We'll be spending the afternoons taking Drama and Drawing.
• giving much thought to spending time one-on-one with each child. Planning to make a special time each week to spend alone with each child. Inspired by this book.
• hoping for a fresh snowfall very soon.
  

anticipation

We had our ultrasound yesterday and are so thrilled to announce that our baby is healthy and forming perfectly. I nearly forgot how lengthy these visits are- a darkened room filled with anticipation, silence and lots of warm gel on your abdomen as a stranger pokes and prods your stomach measuring and scanning your tiny baby's entire being.

In the end, a sigh of relief is had as you learn that every organ, bone and part of this baby has miraculously formed as it should have. It is astonishing to me to see how this little human life has formed so perfectly and fully inside of me- an imperfect person. A truly humbling experience.

We also decided to take a little peek and learned that this new baby is a BOY!

There is so much excitement in our house as the vision of this new little baby is becoming more of a reality. I can hardy believe that I am nearly half way through my pregnancy. And has experience has taught me, I know that the weeks will continue to pass as quickly as they have thus far. Before we know it May will be here and our baby's birth will be imminent.

My thoughts turn towards all of the preparations that must be had before we are ready to welcome this new life- both in the physical and mental and emotional realm. Do we have a place for our baby to sleep? What about diapers... will we finally make that decision to try cloth? Do I have clothing ready to dress him in? Am I ready to experience the birth process again? What will my labor be like? How will our other children respond to this new life in our home?

I have had the courage to attempt to ask and answer only a few of these questions up until now. Others I am simply not prepared to begin facing yet.

Pregnancy is truly such a time of varying emotions. It seems that one moment I am loving life and relishing the beautiful life I have been blessed with. While the next moment is spent fretting and tearing up over a remembered encounter with a child during that day that did not go as gently and lovingly as planned.

It seems that there is a corresponding emotional state to nearly each color of the rainbow- the joyful and carefree yellows, the sad and regretful blues, the passionate and angry reds. And often, this full spectrum of feelings can be experienced in a single day or even afternoon.

It seems that it is simply the story of motherhood enhanced and being told in a deeper way than usual.

I've always lamented the disappearance of normal every time a new baby has joined our family. It always pained me to face the reality that things would never again be the same before each child was born. But it always brought me comfort to know that sooner or later we would find our new normal and that once again, family life would resume, albeit in a very different way.

I look forward to the new way of life that awaits us next Spring and patiently wait- three children snuggled in one arm, pregnant belly being gently patted by the other- for our new normal to begin.

green foods

Is it possible to be drawn to certain colors of food while pregnant? Without realizing it, I have been enjoying a lot of green lately...

my new favorite tea, best drunk on chilly afternoons with a drizzle of honey- Tazo Green Ginger

our dinner tonight, including the greens of both lime and cilantro- Cilantro Lime Chicken Cacciatore

and the dessert that I was inspired to buy for tonight after reading this book to my boys today (I'm so easily influenced by my reading materials, even when they are picture books)- Pistachio Gelato, which will be promptly enjoyed tonight once the chidren are nestled snuggly in their beds.

Wishing you lots of green foods this weekend! And yes, vegetables would be nice too.

tasting good

So now that the word is out, I feel a bit more inclined to share from the deepest depths of my heart and soul on this blog. No more holding back. I hope you're all ready for what I have to share with you today.

Do you want to know what I'm really loving right now? My lunch.

Like I said, I'm not having any food cravings. It's just that food tastes unbelievably good these days. I think I went on and on about some cheddar cheese the other night to Mike and had him laughing with me and at me.

So, about my lunch.

Portabella burger on freshly sliced and toasted multi-grain breadwith thick slice of some seriously sharp cheddar cheese
Steamed broccoli with a bit of Bragg's Liquid Aminos
Baby greens with a little honey mustard dressing
Tall glass of sparking apple-raspberry cider

As you can see I'm pretty excited about food these days. If I were a cat, I'd be purring right now. Instead I am simply a really content and nourished person right now who is ready to take on the rest of the day.

announcing...

the newest member of our family! Currently the size of a lime- growing, thriving and patiently waiting to join our family next Spring.

There is so much joy and anticipation in our home these days as we talk and dream about what this new child will be like. There is not doubt that this baby will be received with open, loving arms by the five of us here and so, so many adoring family and friends.

So now you know where all of that introspection was coming from. I am starting to feel a bit more like me and wanting to share my life and feelings again with those around me. It's funny how the hormones of pregnancy can change one physically, emotionally and mentally even before the mother begins to show or feel her baby move.

Physically I am feeling very well. Very little fatigue. No nausea, food cravings or aversions. I have always been prone to afternoon naps, so this is nothing new for our family.

I can't wait to share the journey with you all and promise to write a bit more no that I can express myself fully and honestly without holding back in this little space of mine.