Monday, August 23, 2010

the fine line

Where do the days go? In so many ways we are still in survival mode around here. It's the care and feeding of a family that is filling my days. The mundane parts of life (read more about my thoughts on 'the mundane' here and here) that so many folks wish away. The cleaning, wiping, washing, cooking, picking up and putting away of life.

I was just able to go beyond the basics last week a bit each day and it felt so very good- a bit of deep cleaning for the top of my refrigerator and cupboards, a trip to a local food co-op for the raw milk that I have been meaning to start buying again since the winter farmer's market and an afternoon of making lots of delicious pesto sauce from some really fresh, local ingredients.

My wise husband recently reminded me that sustaining another life takes time and energy and that it is my main focus and driving force in life right now. He even sent me a sweet message reminding me of this and encouraging me to look around at the four blessings in our life and to slow down and enjoy the fruits of our labor!
There is such a fine line between sacrificial love and giving of oneself and finding the time and energy to nurture yourself and keep healthy, sane and at peace with life. You go too far to the one side and you step foot into the world of motherhood burnout. Too far to the other side and you've got an ugly me-monster on your hands.

Is there really such a thing as balance?

These days I have been taking (just a few) moments here and there to do some good things for myself amidst all of the nurturing that takes place in this life that I have chosen and embrace with arm's wide open.

Little things- a charcoal facial while the baby naps. Remembering to take my probiotics and cod liver oil each day. Shaving my legs even though no one really cares. Making time for a morning devotional time. Stepping out to the thrift store again even for an hour alone and uninterrupted.

These little things often prove themselves in big ways to be just what I needed at that moment. A sense of peace. Knowing that I have gone to God first thing in the morning. The sense of well-being I have after knowing I have chosen to maintain my good health.

With our home school year starting in just two short weeks I know that I will have to focus on these little things with even more earnest and deliberation. It's so easy to just plow through life and then sit in regret at the end of the day feeling like I've nothing left to give. This does no one good. And although most days end with me feeling stretched and sleepy I will gladly take these as a proud badge of a day well- spent and lived to the fullest.

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