I left the house tired, confused and in need of some real, deep and meaningful conversation (what was I planning to do, stop a stranger on the street and talk their ear off?). And what started as a simple walk turned into a house call to a dear girlfriend, a chance meeting with a family from church and an opportunity to run as I watched the sun start to set.
My body felt limber and strong as I walked the side streets and main road of our town. The old houses looked different from so close. Usually I only get a quick glimpse as I'm barreling by in my mini-van, usually trying to answer the questions that the kids pose to the universe (inevitably I end up answering them!!!).
I could feel my breathing start to become more natural- deep, clear and uninhibited (in other words no gasps like when I watch my 13-month old almost teeter off of the top stair in our staircase OR no holding my breath like when I can feel my frustration and irritation start to brew as I learn that my older two got into the sugar bowl and spilled it during my already quick and frantic morning shower). I felt invigorated, yet calm. I felt free.
For the last leg of my course, I actually started to run. Thoughts of returning home before dark are what propelled my legs to go and my arms to pump me forward. I thought, "I'll just run to the corner up ahead", but once I started I didn't want to stop.
Normally when I try to run (usually prompted by Mike's encouragement to "just try it"!) I feel like it is very much forced and unnatural for my body to move in that way.
But this time felt different. I realized that the difference was that this time
I was running TO something. I had a destination, a goal, a place where someONE was waiting for me
(my beloved). I was running for the sake of getting somewhere, not just going through the
motions for the sake of doing it.
I thought of motherhood (and many other things in life) and how there is so much meaning in the details. I thought of how important it is to be in the moment, no matter what that moment may be (whether you're changing a diaper, reading to your children or having the same old conversation with someone who tends to repeat themself). I learned, from my short, but very fulfilling run, that it is VITAL to have a destination, a goal a place to run to. Otherwise, life can be a series of meaningless going-through-the-motions moments. And although you can say "Oh, I did this or that or the other thing" you still really don't know the meaning that lies in doing those things. In the end, you may come out with a long, checked-off "to do" list, but there is no lesson learned, no joy, no satisfaction.
Perhaps I should get out more often for these post-dinner expeditions...